April 14th will be year 3 as a Christian for me. I’m continuing to learn more and more about myself and though seeing more of who I really am is scary, I’m very encouraged that God reveals things in digestible amounts. A lot of times there have been some big pills to swallow, but Amen for the truth that sets us free. This morning I’m doing a bible study focused on my purity and Day 6 is titled “Hope”. It asks the question:
“Do you believe that God can deliver you?”
I can sometimes be overly and deceptively optimistic on how things actually are and I’m learning to be honest with myself first then let it trickle down to the rest of my life. Now, God knows the answer already and it’s impossible for us to lie to God, we only lie to ourselves. I broke through a barrier this morning, and God answered a prayer of mine in the perfect way only He can. I pray for my faith to increase often so I will see and feel more of His presence in my life. My faith needing to increase is at least aknolowging that there is some faith there. So, how much more do I need? Well, it seems like just like love, faith is such a powerful and spiritual thing that it cannot be measured. I could never give you 2 pounds of love..there is only love, there is only faith. Interesting enough, even though it can’t be measured we can recognize almost instantly when there is a lack of it. For my faith to increase I first had to take inventory. The question from my Bible study allowed that to happen, and the answer let’s me know where I am on the issue.
The truth is..currently, I don’t believe that I can be delivered from this particular sin..my thorn. That is perfectly okay because it’s the truth on how I feel and its temporary. I’m okay with temporary. I’ve experienced many things…small and large, all miraculous things that have increased my faith. I’m greatful for God continuing to reach out and pursue a deeper relationship with me..its humbling because well…God is great and I am not, and because of Him I know that I’m special and wanted. The enemy wants me to feel alone, not special, not wanted..which is how I spent a lot of my childhood feeling. Partly because of some things happening in my enviorment/home life and the other part due to a developing sinful nature that the devil used to fuel my rebellion against God.
So now that I have taken inventory and see the lack, I pray that God allows me to complete this race in a way that allows me to put Him on display and not myself. I don’t think highly of myself spiritually which is probably a good thing. It might keep me from being so judgemental on how others are doing. Sometimes when people share their struggles I have a minute or two of self righteousness as if I’m doing better because the struggle isn’t the same. Then I remember the struggle is the same. It’s fighting to be like Jesus in all Situations, it’s self denial/dying to self, it’s serving. Self righteousness and judgement divide us, but helping eachother carry burdens and the blood of Christ unites me with my brothers and sisters.
Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God’s word is not chained. Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory. Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:8-13 NIV
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